So, I keep on meaning to make another entry but instead I’ve been letting life with a 2 year old distract me (a 2 year old is distracting? Imagine that!) It’s really important for me to post today because after sitting to low-carb eating, and losing 8 lbs in just one week, I gave in for one meal and had a HORRIBLY carb filled meal last night for dinner. It consisted of BBQ chicken (with normal store bought BBQ sauce), garlic mashed potatoes, and corn. Not only was it high carb, but I also ate a TON of it! Since I decided to change how I am eating I also decided that I wasn’t going to force portion restrictions, but the longer I stick to low-carb eating I have naturally just been eating less. Last night I thought to myself, “Well this is only for tonight so I better eat it all!” Now I could tell you all the factors that helped me make the decision to eat all that crap, but the most important part that I wanted to share was how I felt.
Of course, having eaten so much I felt uncomfortably full, but that’s not even it. The biggest thing I noticed was that I felt horrible about MYSELF! I found that I very quickly slipped into a sort of depression and self loathing that I have felt most of my life. I was very easily irritated by my son, and snapped at him a few times too quickly. I started worrying that I was never going to find the man I am suppose to “spend the rest of my life with”, and was longing for someone to pay attention to me so that I didn’t feel so bad. I even started poking around at different singles websites (places where I have only caused more problems for myself in the past). I was aggrevated that I didn’t have more friends that I could hang out and have fun with. That quickly turned into frustration that I had a kid and wasn’t really able to go out and have fun with my friends whenever I wanted to anyways. In other words, last night was a mess!
It was just so clear to me how eating this way (high-carb) was such a major factor in my mood swings. I’m not a scientist or a doctor or anything so I can’t say if it was actually something about the food itself or just something mental that I causes me to feel so bad, but I have really noticed how happy and grateful about life I had been when I was sticking to eating low-carb. Feeling so horribly about all aspects of my life is just so destructive, and drains me of all motivation. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I want to be productive. I want to be able to see all the blessings in my life (there are SO many!) rather than only see the negatives. I want to be a pleasure to be around. I want to be a fun, and patient mother.
My Top 20 Reasons for Choosing This Lifestyle (in no particular order)
1. To be able to love life
2. To have the energy to play with my son
3. To not worry about breaking furniture
4. To not worry about if I can fit in a seat (airplanes, trains, roller coasters, chairs with arms)
5. To be able to wear a seat belt in ANY car I ride in
6. To be able to shop in any store for clothes
7. To be more confident with myself
8. To not put so much strain on my knees and back
9. To prevent myself from getting diabetes and possible missing my sons life altogether
10. To not bump into things or people
11. To gain my libido back
12. To get rid of the skin problems I’ve developed from my rolls
13. To not have my thighs rub together when I wear a skirt
14. To be able to cross and uncross my legs
15. To be able to climb stairs without having to use the rail to haul myself up them
16. To be able to hop out of a chair or bed without planning ahead of time how to pry myself out
17. To be able to get off the floor without grabbing onto a piece of furniture
18. To have people rave about how I look
19. To be able to ride a bike and go roller skating
20. To feel comfortable wearing a swim suit.
Another major revelation I discovered recently is something I briefly mentioned above. It is the fact that ‘When I stop eating High-carb, I can actually STOP eating’. This is really huge for me. Most people are able to just stop eating when they feel satisfied. Not me. When I explain this to people I always say “My off switch is broken” All my life I have never just been able to stop eating when the hunger pains stop. I just keep on eating until I stuff myself so much that I literally can’t put anything else in my stomach. Since going low-carb I just don’t get as hungry as I use to. When I do start to feel hunger pains it’s not an emergency “I need to NOW” type of feeling. I can continue getting the things done that I need to do, or take care of my son’s needs or wait until I get home before eating. Eating has never been like that for me before. It used to be that the tiniest inkling I had that I was starting to get hungry I would put food in my mouth to quench that feeling. And since every meal consisted of some type of high carb food the feeling to want to eat again came very quickly. My whole life was about eating. It’s SO nice to be able to focus on life! J
My weight for this post is 451.1 taken on Friday 11/19/2010.